Far Beyond the Stars

"No, no, no, this won't do!"

That's all you hear before you suddenly have the sensation of moving backwards without actually moving. It's quite nauseating, if you don't close your eyes. Good luck doing that, though, because you're frozen stiff.

Then -

"I can't believe that one of you is so dependent on Earth's moon. Fine, fine, I suppose I have to do everything myself."

And time rights itself again. The echoes of Q's voice fade away, until...

You're standing on the Promenade, and everyone is all right. Nobody is hurt. It's like someone righted the game board and moved the pieces back to the starting line. Q is standing there, arms folded peevishly. "Does anyone else have any dietary restrictions or homeworld nonsense I should know about?"

// HAILING FREQUENCIES OPEN

All the displays on the station come to life at once, crackling with a message. Someone's finally gotten a signal through the chroniton field.

"Deep Space Nine, do you read?" A severe-looking older woman is on the screen. "This is Captain Eliyen of the Federation starship USS Tu Vishan. Deep Space Nine, do you read?"

Wait. This sounds familiar.

// A VOICE FROM THE STARS
All the displays on the station come to life at once, crackling with a message. Someone's finally gotten a signal through the chroniton field. (Looks like Q's estimate of a week was a little bit optimistic.)

"Deep Space Nine, do you read?" A severe-looking older woman is on the screen. "This is Captain Eliyen of the Federation starship USS Tu Vishan. Deep Space Nine, do you read?"

Feel free to answer. Until...

// WE HUNT AT NIGHT, WE STALK AT NIGHT, WE'RE THE RATS
The feed, which has been intermittently staticky, finally cuts out entirely. After a little investigation, it turns out that some Cardassian voles have taken advantage of the relatively low station population to re-up their own population, and since they like to congregate around energy sources...they've stripped the power cables for the communications array.

// I'M THE GIANT RAT THAT MAKES ALL OF THE RULES
There are a lot of voles, which means you're gonna have to take your tricorders and phasers and go crawling around in the Jefferies tubes looking for them. You can use the stun setting, but they're gonna come round and start running away if you don't get them penned up quickly. Phasers on kill might be more efficient. Especially phasers on 'disintegrate'. Just be careful not to hit each other.

The main nest is located in the station's fusion core - be careful not to phaser that even on stun, unless you want to knock out the power for the whole station, or worse.

...maybe just use a rat-bashing stick instead?


// LET'S SEE WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE WE CAN GET OURSELVES INTO
Once the rat problem's been taken care of, now it's time to repair the communications array. The PADDs will help with diagrams and information on which tools to use to fix it.

The Tu Vishan can be seen out the station's portholes, unable to approach any closer than several miles away. The starship is waiting and hoping for communications to be restored soon, and hoping you haven't all died.

In the meantime, just try and keep the station running until the communications array is back online. For a bunch of untrained newbies, a week is a good estimate - especially if you've given Captain Eliyen the rundown.

It's like a long, long blink, and then, pop - the uncomfortable feeling of squeezing the very last stubborn little bit of toothpaste out of the tube, but you're the toothpaste.

And then you're sitting in a chair in a strange bar, with several people you've never seen before in your life. The light is low, the sort of comfortable level reserved for comradely conversations around some nachos and beers. The architecture of the bar itself looks industrial - someone might be forgiven for thinking it's located in a reclaimed warehouse or something of the like.

It's not. (Not unless you want to call a repurposed mining space station a warehouse.)

There's food on the tables, and drinks - much of it looks like staple bar food (is that deep-fried mac and cheese???), but some of it is a little unfamiliar (is that a bowl of worms? are they moving???????????).

After you have a moment to look around in sheer bewilderment, a man in what seems to be a uniform stands on the dais in front of a stained-glass mural and raises a glass. "A toast. To the new crew of Deep Space Nine. By which I mean, of course, all of you!" He chuckles. "You hardly look like a crew, though. Why, you're all out of uniform!" He snaps, and you suddenly find yourself wearing a uniform like his. "Where are my manners. You don't even have your marching orders." A handheld tablet appears on the table in front of you, between a glass of something blue and what's definitely a basket of loaded potato skins. And it's definitely yours, because it has your name on it. "There! Now you all have your PADDs. Read them at your leisure."

He takes a sip of what's in his glass and makes a face. "Ugh! Kanar. Terrible stuff, don't know how the Cardassians drink it." There's a small flash of light, and it's replaced with something bright teal. "Much better. Now, the Romulans, they know how to make a spirit."

Then he sits down in the chair up on the dais and leans back so it's only on two legs, looking down his nose at everyone. "Now. I imagine that all of you have some questions for me. So to avoid any blah-blah boring repetition, I am Q, and this is Federation Starbase Deep Space Nine - your home for the foreseeable future. Don't ask me any boring questions like 'ohhh why am I here ohhh', you can find most of what you need to know on your PADD. You're here because the station needed a crew and I thought you'd be a good fit."¹ Q twirls his wrist and a pocketwatch appears in his hand. "Yes, I can dilly-dally long enough to answer some questions. At my discretion." He snaps it shut, an oddly final sound.

Once Q is done holding court, he grins. "Oh, you're going to have such fun, mes amis," he says, and vanishes in a flash of light, leaving everyone to mix and mingle. The bar is unattended if anyone is interested in trying some amateur mixology, and Q has thoughtfully taped up instructions on how to use the replicators.

THIS IS NOT MY SLEEP NUMBER
When the party is starting to wind down, information for your quarters flashes on your PADD - including the location in the Habitat Ring and how to get there. They're spartan and lacking creature comforts, but your original clothes are there, neatly folded on the bed, along with anything else you may have had with you upon arrival. The PADD periodically chimes with information that you need to know, like how to work the sonic shower, or that the station runs on the 26-hour Bajoran day. It's almost like the PADD knows what's going on...? Eh, it's about as creepily invasive as Alexa, anyway. And speaking of Alexa, the PADD also provides a crash course in how to interact with the station's computer! Which is essentially plain-language audio querying. Ask Ms. Majel Barret Roddenberry the computer anything you like and she will help you.

A message appears from Q later on everyone's PADDs, unable to be replied to:

It'll take about a week before they finally figure out how to get transmissions through the chroniton field.

You've got that much time to get a handle on things.

:)

-Q

---

¹ This is a lie. He picked you just for shits and giggles.